Push, pull, and a dose of self-doubt

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On a recent Friday night, my husband, my daughter and I went out to dinner at a restaurant we hadn't visited before. I walked up to the door and reached for the handle, which was one of those old-timey metal ones that connect to the door at the top and bottom of the handle. I tried to pull the door open.

The door didn't budge. I tugged at it again. Nothing.

I checked the sign with the restaurant's hours of operation, and it confirmed it should've been open at that time. I reached over and pulled on the door a third time, and yet again, the door didn't move an inch.

I turned to my husband and said, "Why would they have the door locked?" as I thought maybe the restaurant had run out of available seating, so they locked the door. Wouldn't that be a fire hazard?

My husband didn't reply. He just reached over and pushed against the door, which opened easily into the restaurant.

As the three of us stepped into the lobby, I felt so stupid. Why didn't it occur to me to try pushing?

Since then, I keep coming back to that question, and the only answer I've been able to come up with — that I'm not creative enough to realize that a door that doesn't open out might open in — fills me with self doubt.

Are my goals within my reach? I mean, if I'm not creative enough to work a door, how could I make a living as a writer? Shouldn't a writer be able to consider the other possibilities?

I still feel silly when I think about it. And I still feel like I lack creativity. But I'm determined to push through the self doubt I'm feeling.

I'll keep writing for this blog, keep reading advice from people in their dream jobs, and just keep going, keep reaching for my dream job. Perhaps the more I write, the more I will build that creative muscle.

And maybe the next time something as simple as a door challenges me, I'll have the smarts to solve the problem.